So Long Self

Fat March

2011-03-26T23:20:00.003-04:00

I found myself in downtown Orlando on Fat Tuesday trying to find not only a place to eat but a place to park. On the city overview on my GPS there must be at least 8 tiny beer mugs per block. Put the two together and I had resided myself to going hungry, except i had my best beloved with me so i had to feed her. I finally found a parking garage via an alley, I'm not sure how i wondered down. First half hour is FREE!!! We found a taco chain that the name escapes me at the moment. They had a Tuesday special (not in honor of Fat Tuesday, just cuz it was Tuesday) that was pretty good.

Best Beloved is the youngest among all her friends, so there has been talk of her 21st birthday. When they can finally ALL go out drinking. She has decided to go to Orlando for a pub crawl, she said they wouldn't have far to crawl. I told her if it came to fruition that i would reserve two 2 bedroom suites for them all at the "vacation club" we have in Orlando (which is where we where staying, we went to see WICKED). For now I have 5 and a half years before i have to worry about that.

Anyway, the whole point of this blog, FAT MARCH.

I was not real sure of why or what Fat Tuesday is, so i looked it up. Mardi Gras IS Fat Tuesday. I always thought that Fat Tuesday was the end of Mardi Gras. That Mardi Gras was this celebration that stretched on for a week or more, but i discovered that it is only one day. It is the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday, aka the first day of Lent. I'm not Catholic or whatever you are when you observe Lent but I know that you give up something for 40 day until Easter. So back in the day the people would gorge themselves the day before the beginning of the fasting that began on Ash Wednesday.

Now with all that said, my family and I went on vacation March 17th - March 25th. I have been saying for, well, ever, that I'm gonna go on a diet, live style change, whatever. I figured that i could make this my FAT MARCH. Gorge and glutton myself all vacation long and not worry or feel guilty at all because I'm gonna get my shit together by April 1st. I was so excited at my Fat March invention!! Sunday March 20th we ALL get a bug. If you're not barfing, your trotting back & forth to the pot. For some unfortunate soles it was both. Needless to say i just had my first full meal today. Now that I'm back home, I'm not in the mood to pig out until the 1st. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel like exercising either. I guess I'm just saying that I'm feeling ready to make a change.

This time I'm really gonna do it.

For Real. . . .

Thanksgiving Update

2011-01-10T14:25:00.002-05:00

I got through Thanksgiving. I didn't have the turn out i was expecting, i think there was about 18 of us. Some family was sick, others went to spouse's family and some had to work. It turned out great. My mom was so pleased she decided i can host it again next year. (great!!) The house looked great, the food was wonderful and plenty. It was somewhat of a nightmare only because i had never done it for so many before, but now i know what I'm in for and i have confidence that it is doable.

What was I thinkinhg??!!

2010-11-06T23:43:00.000-04:00

I have always hated Thanksgiving. My most favorite holiday of the year is New Years Day! Why you ask, because the holidays and all the madness and fuss that comes with it is over and all the stores are open. So I'm not real sure why i have found myself hosting Thanksgiving Day (from here on out known as Tday) at my house.

I'm not a good housekeeper, I'm the most unorganized person i know and i have some serious hoarding tendencies. All those things aside, I and my family find ourselves "Wawa" less. Not to say that wawa is dead or anything, she's just recently had major surgery and recovery is very slow going. Wawa is my mom, she is 57 and hasn't been in the best of health for the last 30 years. I remember as a child her having arthritis and being in pain allot, she always had trouble getting around, although that never stopped her from participating in life. She just did it and took pain pills and other medications at the end of the day. She says you must consider quality of life verses quantity of life. Now she finds herself recovering from a surgery that is suppose to ensure both quality and quantity in the long run, but for now, we wait.

And while we wait, Tday is fast approaching and i have stepped forward to host Tday at my house. Sure, I have aunts that might be better equipped to prepare this feast we have all grown accustomed to, but my house is the biggest and can accommodate all the friends and family that call Tday with us their tradition.

I have searched the Internet over to find the complete guide to preparing Thanksgiving at my home but all those site want to prepare me for is the food. There is so so so so so so so much more that needs to be done. I mean for real!!! I have broken blinds in the entry way, that detail needs to be on a list somewhere. I was in the check out at Wal~Mart and spotted Everyday with Rachel Ray. The November issues cover boasted of a Complete Thanksgiving Guide, again, NOT. There is so much to do and with my ADHA problem, I just don't know that i can pull this off. If anyone has advice or direction, please help. I hope blogging about it can keep me focused moving forward.

2010-01-16T00:31:00.002-05:00

I'm 15 no, wait, 16 days into this new year, no, wait decade of mine and really feel like i haven't gotten anywhere. I have been wanting to figure out my new year resolutions, which i guess i should've done in December, but haven't.

I just knew this was gonna be my year, and it still might be, but things are so so so so busy.

We, my husband and I, are gonna buy a home in Jacksonville. I'm over Callahan, its small, backwards, redneck and just too far from Jacksonville to drive everyday. I was so hoping to wait til Tara was driving to move to Jax so she could get herself to school, but i just can't!! I'm gonna see if i can find a teacher that lives in jax to take her in the mornings and possibly bring her home. Wish me luck on that.

We have found a BIG beautiful 2400 square foot brick home. Two living rooms, two dinning rooms, office, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths one with a whirlpool tub, a huge Florida room with a doggie door, a kitchen that words cannot begin to describe and a walk-in closet in the master bed room the size of my daughters current bedroom at our old house. We move in Feb 1. I will wait til i get my house settled to work on anything else.

2010-01-07T00:17:00.002-05:00

I'm struggling with a tough decision, the age old question, "Should I stay or should I go?" I hate coming home. I get angry and grumpy when i go home. Why? Could it be cuz my house is a wreak? My daughter is sassy? The laundry is piling up? The trash everywhere because my husband won't take it out? Or is it just the husband? I like my husband, or at least i keep telling myself that i do. I don't love him. I feel like if i leave him, i would be abandoning a child, that is helpless and needs me. I recently realized that I'm not a kid anymore, don't care what others think and need to realize that my happiness is the only one that's gonna get me through this life of mine. Going around trying to make others happy only sucks the life out of you, and of course, I'm over that. I've been listening to a mediation CD and it talks about the present, love, happiness, angry, all that, that existed in the past is just a memory and all that is planned for the future is a fantasy. Only love and happiness can exist in the present. It was kinda hard to wrap my head around but i do get it. Do you?

Happy New Year!!``

2010-01-02T02:47:00.002-05:00

Everyone who knows me, knows that beyond any doubt that I HATE CHRISTMAS!! My favorite day of the year is New Years Day. I love this day, Christmas is over, all the stores are open, I stayed up late the night before and don't feel guilty about it, I get to eat greens and black eyed peas and most of all I get to spend it with my family, no strings attached. No pressures of gifts like at Christmas, no big meal planned to stress about, just the hope and promise of a new beginning. Happy New Year!!

Im a big fat failure

2009-12-30T04:00:00.000-05:00

I haven't done ANYTHING, i'm a miserable excuse of a blob of a being. I need to, no i must find the strength within to get off my oversized rumpis and do something, even if it's wrong!

Ever been there?

How did you get out?

. . . . the meds aren't working.

2009-07-13T02:14:00.000-04:00

I'd been looking at my treadmill for days, a week even. You'd think if i spent all that money getting it fixed i would be jumping at every oppurtunity to use it. NOT. It took me more than a week but yesterday, i did it. I only got in one lap before my back started hurting again but i ended up with three laps. It felt good. Good that i got it done and i fell like i've begun. Today i did it again.

My Life is Out of Control

2009-07-11T01:29:00.000-04:00

I have to do something, my life is out of control. Only what do i do? If i knew and more importantly had the will power and self motivation to do it i wouldn't be in this place of dread and self loathing. I'm back up to 308 only 12 pounds from my highest point ever. I hate it. Week before last my husband brought my treadmill in from out of storage. Of course it didn't work. I waited another week for the repair guy to come and charge me almost $400 to fix it. Now here it is a week after that and i haven't gone near it. I just knew if it were here i would use it. How much easier could it be? i want to use it, I know i would feel better afterward. Why haven't i done it? I'm tired of feeling like my life is on hold, cuz it's not, it's flying by me and I'm missing it. I'm tired of feeling like I'm substandard, I'm not even sure what I'm substandard to. I'm just tired of feeling like it. I'm mostly tired of my husband. He won't go away. I guess he thinks I'm not serious about I feel like this marriage is not working and done trying. Why does he think he can make me love him?

I'm going to NC on Aug 18 and will turn 36 on Aug 20. I'd like to think that I'm going straighten up and "get busy", I'm gonna try. . .

My Life in a Nutshell (recent catchup)

2009-05-23T23:30:00.000-04:00

I meet a gal, thought we could be good friends. (it has been a long time since I've had a "girl" friend). Hung out all the time. She was great. She started caring-on with my husband behind my back. Planing and plotting to be together. Husband crossed a line. I yelled and hollered, spit, slobbered and cried. Husband said he loves me and only wants to be with me. Fine after many weeks of soul searching i decided if he would abide by a few simple rules then we would try it again.

The Rules you may ask?
1. What the movie Fireproof. (i also wanted him to take the intitative to get the book and work the days)
2. Develope a relationship with God.
3. DECLUTTER (my house is a wreak, much like my life)
4. Make a list of what it means to be a good husband and what a good marriage consist of.
5. Make a list of what it is to be a good dad to Tara. (very specific)

He did really good for a while. Made me feel like the center of the universe. Now not so much. He is now going to church, rented the movie, bought the book but didn't journal like it said and stopped after 17 days. House is still a wreak and i have no list's. In the mean time, said ex-bestfriend was/is my employee. I know, I know, not the smartest thing to be BFF's with an employee. I forgave and tried to get past the past. I did very well. Now said ex-bestfriend is going and telling another employee something i said behind her back, she also told something else which she shouldn't of. Now I'm very mad at her and no longer want to work with her. I'd love nothing more than to fire her, I'm so so so tempted. So this person, that i have known for 14 years, that she was telling things to takes me aside today and ask me about it. We talked and got things straighted out. I'm just really ticked that ex-BFF has the nerve to go saying things. She not very mature. I want to go to her house and make her life miserable. I won't cuz i don't like drama and this would just make matters worse. At the same time, I DON'T LIKE DRAMA and this gal is just piling it up high.

Now, with all that said. I have come to realize that while i love my husband, I really don't like him. He is demanding and overbearing. He is moody, grumpy and ill all the time. For the most part, no one like him. I can't say anything about work or he gets pissy (I'm the boss, he's the employee).

I don't know what to do.

Vacation is coming

2008-12-10T22:27:00.000-05:00

We leave for Christmas vacation in 10 days. I'm so excited. I think mostly to get away from the day to day hectic life that i never thought i would be living. I'm a simple, make-do, drama-free kinda gal. I moved to Florida from NC to get away from the drama that my in laws caused, and now i am looking forward to returning only because my once boring life is extremely CRAZY.

I always feel overwhelmed and like i never get anything accomplished. That's one reason why I'm so absent around here and on my spark page. I was spending hours "unwinding" in the evening reading and updating my blogs and spark page and i knew i wasn't getting anything don like that. Just because I'm home doesn't mean the work is over, i often have many many hours of paperwork, phone calls and other things to do. I'm amazed that i was able to lose any weight at all.

Callgone take me away!!!

Turkey Day

2008-11-27T03:01:00.000-05:00

HAPPY THANKSGIVING ALL!!

Well, I've pretty much taken some time off. I meet my Christmas goal of 299 and just kinda fizzled out. My family and I leave for NC and my in-laws in exactly 3 weeks and two day. So I have given myself a new challenge. To loose 10 pounds in the time between the day after Thanksgiving and December 20. I have to get back on track!!!

Meme

2008-11-27T02:22:00.000-05:00

The rules? Answer the following questions in one word and then pass it on to others.

Where is your cell phone? kitchen
Where is your significant other? couch
Your hair color? chestnut
Your mother? cooking
Your father? gone
Your favorite thing? laptop
Your dream last night? odd
Your dream/goal? living
The room you’re in? cold
Your hobby? sewing
Your fear? death
Where do you want to be in 6 years? Jacksonville
Where were you last night? work
What you’re not? drama
One of your wish-list items? cleanliness
Where you grew up? bartow
Last thing you did? nails
What are you wearing? jammies
Your TV? news
Your pet? best
Your computer? Toshiba
Your mood? mellow
Missing someone? baby
Your car? dream
Something you’re not wearing? thong
Favorite store? Wal-Mart
Your summer? WORK
Love someone? family
Your favorite color? PINK!!!!
When is the last time you laughed? movies
Last time you cried? awhile

been awhile

2008-11-20T02:52:00.000-05:00

Sorry i haven't been around lately but i've been super busy with work. My little company is just growing so fast it makes my head spin. I sometimes feel like i'm in over my head and very very overwhelmed. I thank God for my mom. She's super and seems like she can handle anything. We are hiring someone to do our billing so that will free up some days for both mom and i. i'm looking forward to that. I've haven't been doing so well with my "diet", so i haven't lost anymore but i haven't gained either. Not real sure how that's happened?!?! I hope to get back into the swing of things first of next week. I'd make it sooner but notes are due Monday morning and i HATE paperwork (bet ya never heard me say that before)! But without it I don't get paid. While i truely do love what i do, i can't do it for free.

The new kitten somehow crawled into the heat register last night and from that made it into the crawl-space under the house(the 10 inches or so that's pure insulation). We had to make a hole in the dinning room floor get her out. That's just something else to stress over. I really wanted to kill her but she's just so darn cute and the doggies love to play with her. She's funner than "pink elephant" and it squeaks.

I hope everyone is doing a great job and not stressing. Keep up all the great work.

I'm a loser!

2008-10-30T01:16:00.000-04:00

I was or am down to 298 this morning so to reward myself i went and had my nails done. They are so cute, i usually do my own nails but my daughter went for a hair cut so i thought i deserved it. She did a much better job than i could ever do, and they are so so so super shinny.

S-U-G-A-R ! ! !

2008-10-22T01:00:00.001-04:00

Aunt Flo is visiting so i decided that i wouldn't count calories, i would just sit back and relax as i can get very cranky and snappy during this time. I have been very very bad. Sweet tea two days in a row and tonight i bought a pumpkin pie at Sam's Club and a big tub of Cool Whip Lite. This was too too too good. As i was finishing up my big 'ole piece of pie i started to get light headed and the room began to spin like i was high. i got high off the sugar. WOW. I had heard about this but didn't actually believe it could happen. It was kinda scary. Now i am going to challenge myself to cut out sugar. My Tupperware lady can go one for hours about how bad sugar is and that it will cause cancer and kill you and so on. I think i will listen to her next time he goes off an a tangent.

CCCC Weekly check in (5 DAYS LATE)

2008-10-17T18:24:00.001-04:00

I've found a new toy!!

2008-10-11T22:10:00.000-04:00

The new toy is video blogging, and it's the coolest thing ever!

My Daughter Playing Flute!!!

2008-10-11T16:59:00.000-04:00

I'm still here

2008-10-11T00:15:00.000-04:00

Hello fellow bloggers and those whom for some strange reason read my blog. My last post was 10 days ago, since then i have had a gain. On Monday, the official weigh in day I was at 311. Wow, I have had a few bad days but i didn't think they were that bad! I have struggled to stay on track and "readjust" my life without my beloved sweet tea. Lately I have found myself making coffee which the way i like it is full of calories when if i would've just had a reasonable amount of sweet tea i would have come out better.

I discovered SparkPeople.com and it is really amazing. I so glad i found it. I have been using Fitday for years and Sparkpeople just blows FitDay away! I have spent allot of my free time reading the articles, blogs, posts.

My husband started to diet with me. He's been super supportive! We go walk together every night although I can't keep up with him. I'm working on it though. Sometimes we take our daughter, she's getting alittle chunky. Five times around the park track is a mile. I can do it in about 25 minutes. Well i could be i still have to stop for a few minutes to get my back to stop hurting. I bought a resistance band today, I'm going to watch some of the video's on Spark people to learn the best ways to use it.

Have you seen this video? I can't believe we all allow the media to dictate what beauty is.

CCCC Weekly check in (LATE)

2008-10-02T02:58:00.000-04:00

Sorry I'm late but this week has turned out to be super busy and next week with my business partner gone on a cruise and me left holding the company cell phone will be even busier! I started this journey on Sept 18th at 319# and was surprised how quickly i was able to lose a few pounds. I wanted to make my weight loss very gradual so that my new lifestyle would be more like a habit rather than a short term quick fix. Aiming for a lose of 2 pounds a week. Monday morning when i stepped on the scales 308# was the reading i received. WOW 11 pounds in 11 days, that was really not what i expected. Honestly I haven't been doing that incredibly good. I still have ice cream and sweeten coffee although i have given up my beloved sweet tea for water. I haven't exercised but twice a week. I can't imagine what it would be like if i were being strict and hard core like some people are.

The other night my husband and I went to the little park down the road from our house and was going to walk around the walking path. As soon as i got out of the car and walked through the gates i could hear a small "meow, meow" and it got louder and louder. Out from the bushes wobbled a small kitten. I tried to reach down and give the little guy some loven but he or she ran from my outreached hand. So we began to walk, and i could hear it again "meow, meow" we look back and itty bitty was following us around the path. Three laps we made and itty bitty followed us like our shadow the entire time "meow, meow" all the way. Our little shadow made the mistake of climbing up in a bush beside the bench we stopped at and gave me the exact opportunity to grab him. Now he resides under my bed. He is so cute. If i could ever figure out how to put pictures on the thing i would post a pic of him or her. Shadow is so small I'm not sure which shim is. The dogs really want to play with the kitty and my 9 year old cat is so pi$$ed at me he wants to kill me in my sleep.

Today i was really bad. We, my business partner(AKA Mom) and I had a early meeting in Jacksonville out near the beach. I rode into town (town - what you call the big city when you live in the country) with her and she always stops at Starbucks before one of these meetings. So of course I got me a Venti coffee Frap. (YUMMY!) I had a 100 cal yogurt for breakfast. After mom dropped me off at my house about 1pm we made arrangements to meet for lunch (we both had to go home to let our doggies out for a quick potty break) I meet mom at Dick's Wings about a mile and a half from my house. I got the special . . . It came with a drink. My first sweet tea in more than a week. It was so good. I had the chicken tenders (FRIED) with the waffle fries (FRIED AGAIN). I used two sauces of the cajun ranch (PURE FAT). After doing the math as best i could 1900 calories for lunch! GADZUKES!! Anyhow, i ended the day at 2900. That's along ways from the 1800 - 2200 that i have set as goal.

My favorite advice that my mom ever gave me is "As we progress, sometimes we will regress." Basically accept that I will fall short of the goal but it's all in an attempt to reach that goal. Just because one day was, um, crappy doesn't mean I've failed and should give up, it is expected and gonna happen. All part of the journey.

Real Quick

2008-09-25T00:06:00.000-04:00

I have had a great week! My official start all over again day was the 18 and since then I have lost 8 pounds. I have kept track of my calorie intake, exercised and as of today, stopped drinking sweet tea. I'm still not crazy about water like i hope one day to be but at least I'm drinking it. We went to Red Lobster for lunch and I may have overdone it but i made up for it at dinner (my night to cook) with stir fry. Then . . . I had ice cream, but still i came in under my calories for the day.

How i spent my day

2008-09-22T00:14:00.001-04:00

Well, Biffle won the race and The Jags won their game. My husband and daughter and I went into Jacksonville today to pick up some stuff from Walmart and get some lunch. When i got up at 11am i had a yogurt so on the way to town my husband wanted to know where I wanted to eat, i sat and dreaded the thought of eating and not knowing what to do or where to go. I just kept thinking i should've stayed at home and eaten, where it was safe. We ended up at Salsarita's and opted for the taco salad. I knew the fried taco bowl was not a good idea but i like them alot. I ordered it and i ate. It was yummy! Later i can home and got online hoping i could get some nutritional info from the web and found out that Salsarita's has a nice way of picking your toppings and it will calculate all your nutritional info. I weighed in at 998 calories. I had a ham and swiss for dinner, i grilled it with some butter so that was about 400 calories so lets see for the day. . .
yogurt 100
lunch 1000
sweet tea 350
dinner 400
that's a total of 1850.

My husband and I spent most of the day building new closet shelves in our bedroom. The crappy wire rack had failed to hold up so all my clothes have been in a pile for a week. Whenever my husband builds something he does it to the extreme. Now my closet shelves will hold ME. While he was cutting and drilling and didn't need my help i was cleaning and organizing my sewing table. I haven't been near my sewing table ever since we moved in a year ago, I've just kept piling it up and neglecting it. So today I cleaned and organized it. I have so many projects that i need to finish and even more i need to start. When i sew I can spend hours at my table not even thinking about food or eating. I just have so much other stuff to do i keep telling myself, "when my paperwork it caught up", "when the kitchen is clean". There's a million things i should be doing but I'm a procrastinator. I wish i weren't.

I saved the day

2008-09-21T02:55:00.000-04:00

I started out really bad today. I usually make sweet tea to take with me every morning, Saturday mornings are my earliest day. I have to leave the house by 9:10am. The rest of the week i leave around 10am so I didn't wake up in time to make my beloved sweet tea today. When i ended up at Panera this morning i thought if i ordered a bacon, egg and cheese on sourdough i would be safe, after all sourdough isn't that bad. I guess i overlooked the bacon, egg and cheese.

Bacon, egg and cheese on sourdough from panera 510

Well still that's not where i went wrong. Coffee came with my breakfast bundle and i knew i had to have some caffeine so i wouldn't get a headache.

coffee (one cup caff, one decaf) 0 (yea zero!)

Oh wait i was telling you about where i went wrong, i can drink coffee black. I like it sweetened and creamed. If you've ever been to the coffee bar at Panera you know that there is everything wonderful for your coffee, the options are almost endless. I really like turbinado sugar so i grabbed a few (19) packets. I also have to have my creamer, when i buy creamer for the house i use land o lakes fat free half and half, its very creamy and think, i really like it. The stuff at Panera isn't fat free. . .

19 packets of turbinado sugar 380
half and half creamer 9oz. 350

On the good side again, i had a cup of fresh fruit, honeydew, cantaloupe, grapes and my favorite fresh pineapple

fresh fruit 70

So at this point I'm up to 1310 for the day and have only had breakfast. GASP!
What's a girl to do? Starve, yes starve the rest of the day. No, that's a bad idea. If i starve myself i will go crazy, so later i had a grilled chicken sandwich from ChickfilA.

Grilled chicken sandwich from ChickfilA 270

I didn't get home until almost 6pm and I had ChickfilA so late i wasn't really hungry. I told my daughter that was going crazy to get out of the house because she hasn't been anywhere but school and home since she can't remember when, her birthday she thinks, that we would go to the park and walk around the track. When we got home it was 8pm, so i just had grapes for dinner.

Grapes 221

I know i shouldn't have but my heartburn was so bad that i had a little ice cream about 11pm.

Edy's Chocolate Ice cream 250

That leaves me at 2051 for the day. I'm sitting here now reading others blogs and updating mine trying to keep busy and my mind off food. I should just go to bed. Night all.

Starting Today

2008-09-19T02:55:00.000-04:00

Today is it! The first day of the rest of my life. No, for real. I started my "diet" today. The real one. I didn't start out thinking this will be the day and by lunch time all had been forgotten. I did pretty good today. I have been trying to get myself off caffeine so i can start drinking only water. My husband had been doing it for a week or more now and I'm so proud of him. I am really gonna do it this time. I've just about got myself weened off sweet tea. Tomorrow i will only have a pint and continue that for about 4 days and then WHAM! Water only baby!

I have a very hectic lifestyle so eating right is the biggest challenge for me. I own a personal care service company. Between working with my own people, i have to check up on my employee's drum up new business, run want ads and hire new employee's and lord, lets not forget the paperwork. I am so behind on my paperwork (GASP). I also spend allot of time in my car driving from one home to another to another. It's hard to eat healthy when you are constantly on the go. I've decided to start packing a lunch and snack bag. This will be a big help. I never eat breakfast which i need to start doing. I went to the grocery store today and Sam's Club yesterday. I bought all sorts of good stuff for me and my family. I have all the right things in the house and almost none of the bad.

I'm going to eat 5-6 times a day, breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner and maybe a snack. I'd like to keep my calories under 2000. That will be easy without the sweet tea. Today for i had

Breakfast
Apple 75
Snack
Granola Bar 120
Lunch
Chicken sandwich 450
Dinner
Quesadilla's 650
Sweet Tea 4500

Total 1745

I will take my vitamin's. I take a multi-vitamin daily but i split it half in the am and half in the pm. I take calcium twice a day, an OMEGA once, half a B complex in the morning, an aspirin in the morning and I was taking a C0Q10 but Sam's doesn't carry the 50mg anymore and I read that anything higher can cause insomnia. If anyone knows where i can get it in 50mg let me know. There's some C0Q10 in my multi-vitamin but it doesn't say how much.

I will exercise. I would have taken a walk this evening but i had to go to open house at my daughters school. That went OK. They ring the bell every 10-15 minutes and the parents have to go around to all the classes in the order your child has them. Luckily i didn't have to sit in any "student desks", dodged that bullet. Tomorrow i will go for a walk, one of the ladies i work with has a goal to exercise so i will get her up and out. She's slow so I may have to lap her. I've had a bad back ever since childbirth and my back will start to hurt so bad I can barely stand it. I'll have to sit down for a few minutes to get it to stop throbbing. This frustrates me because I'm not tired but i can't go on. I'm hoping that the back will ease up when i lose some weight but honestly it was the same way 80 pounds ago.

I got my hair cut (off) before open house, so when i got home i couldn't wait to get in the shower and wash all the stray hairs off me. I've been wanting to get my hair cut short but i think i look even fatter with it short so I've been putting it off. Today I did it. I have natural curl so of course now it doesn't know how to behave, I'll have to tame it i guess.

I took my doggies to the groomers today. They were so excited to see me when i got there to pick them up. I love it when they are freshly groomed. They smell so good, but they look so skinny. I wished that would work for me.

Well for some reason, i haven't been able to get to sleep until after 2am so I'm gonna go try to get in bed early tonight but i know it won't happen.

36 ways to reduce stress

2008-09-14T22:59:00.000-04:00

36 Ways To Reduce Stress

1. Pray

2. Go to bed on time.

3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.

4. Say "No" to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health

5. Delegate tasks to capable others.

6. Simplify and unclutter your life.

7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)

8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.

9. Pace yourself. Spread out difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.

10. Take one day at a time and turn it over to God.

11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you to do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation... Forget it.

12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.

13. Have backups - an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.

14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.

15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.

16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.

17. Get enough exercise.

18. Eat right.

19. Get organized so everything has its place.

20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.

21. Write thoughts and inspirations down.

22. Every day, find time to be alone.

23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.

24. Make friends with Godly people.

25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.

26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a simple "Thank you, God"

27. Laugh.

28.Laugh some more!

29. Take your work seriously, but yourself not at all.

30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).

31 . Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).

32. Sit on your ego.

33. Talk less; listen more.

34. Slow down.

35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.

36. Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before.

GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU.

Paperwork and Brownies!

2008-09-09T22:52:00.000-04:00

I have two quarterly meetings tomorrow so i had a ton a paperwork to do to get ready. Honey made me brownies to get through it all. I know it's not on my diet but who can resist a warm chocolaty chewy brownie with a cold side of chocolate ice cream? NOT ME!! I now have what i need to get through it all. P.S. Honey made dinner too, aren't i the luckiest gal alive?

In the water?

2008-09-02T01:36:00.001-04:00

I spent $10,000.00 on a RainSoft water treatment system thinking that I might drink the water. I still can't. Don't get me wrong it's one of the best investments I've ever made. My appliances will last longer, my clothes will last longer, my skin and hair will benefit. The water has no bad smell or taste, I just can't drink it. My sweet tea taste better than it EVER HAS!!! Why can't I bring myself to just drink the water? I really do want to drink it. I just like my sweet tea more.

Hello

2008-06-08T00:51:00.001-04:00

I'm back up to my highest weight again. How can I let this happen?? This was gonna be my year! My mom says when i get disgusted enough i will take action and do something about it. I'm awfully disgusted, but i guess just not enough.

We bought a water softening/purifying system last week. I'm hoping this will help me now that i can't use the gross Florida water as an excuse. My water is now amazing, I love it!

Summer has arrived in Florida, its so hot already! I'm gonna hate July and August. My least favorite thing to do is to sweat. It's kinda hard to exercise without getting sweaty.

2008-02-18T21:05:00.000-05:00

Hey all, i haven't fallen off the earth, i've just been real real busy with work. Working 7 days a week sure is taking a toll on me. Now i'm sick with a cold or flu or something and miserable. I can't breathe, can't sleep and don't want to move. Yet i have all this work that still needs to be done and a family and house that still needs a mom. A woman's work is never done.

The Scales aren't moving

2008-02-05T21:41:00.000-05:00

I don't understand, the scales aren't moving. I seem to be stuck right were i started. I feel like i'm doing a good job but i haven't been rewarded by the scales. This is very frustrating. I keep chugging along and hope to see a better readout but its just not there. What should I do?

All is Well

2008-02-01T18:21:00.000-05:00

I've really been having a great week. Over all an A week. After 6 weeks of not getting paid i finally got all my back pay today. Yeah, i can make the mortgage! I'm so relived to be able to pay the bills and not worry, worrying can really affect your eating, especially when you're an emotional eater. I think that is one reason I've had such a hard time taking control of my "diet".

This week was also great because i did a great job sticking to my "diet", "lifestyle change", whatever. I ate almost anything i wanted, was never hungry and still stayed under my goal calories. Once i get this mastered I'm going to cut back on the fat grams. I'm amazed how many I'm still consuming. I've been walking some everyday. I look for ways throughout my day to work in a walk and some exercise. Overall I'm pleased and hope the scales reward me on Wednesday.

The Truth IS

2008-01-31T01:15:00.000-05:00

sorry it took so long for the reveal. but here it is for those who care. . .

1)My family and I recently moved from Asheville NC, where Andie McDowell lives when she's not acting, modeling and what ever. When my daughter was little i used to take a water aerobics class at the YMCA, I had heard that she often works out up there but hadn't seen her. One day after my class i went to the child care to pick up my daughter. She was happy to see me and glad to be going, she went running through the door, down the hall and around the corner right into Ms. McDowell. My daughter fell to the ground, startled by the bump. Andie helped her to her feet, smiling at her. I was horrified, apologized and quickly left.

2) My husband is always coming up with ways to be his own boss. We opened a Go Kart track but lost our lease when the property owner sold it and they built a strip mall. We then got into the inflatable jump houses and such. The insurance became too high to make any money. Then came the Ice Cream Truck. It is a handy way of making extra money.

3) My mother and I do have matching tattoo's. She got tattooed first and I liked it so much i got one to match.

4) Billy Graham attended Montreat Presbyterian Church when he is home in Black Mountain NC. As a girl, when i lived at the Presbyterian Home for Children we also attended the same church. Some of the kids would go talk to him after the service, i went along but never really talked to him.

5) I am NOT terrified of rats. I actually had a pet rat when i was in high school. Chester. He was the best darn rat a gal could have.

6) See #4 Our Family Therapist told my mother to get rid of her children back in the mid 80's. This was after she was told to spank us every night and that wasn't working. My mother was having a mini mid-life crisis and did what the "experts" said. I guess it was better than drowning us in the bathtub or locking us in the car and driving it into John D Long Lake. Really I have no sympathy for mothers that kill thier kids, there are legal ways of getting rid of your children. My mom and I are best friends now, I know she was just doing the best she could with what she had to work with at the time.

"A" day

2008-01-30T02:58:00.000-05:00

When I was young, about 16 or 17, I worked at Taco Bell. I loved working at Taco Bell. The best people worked there. I made lots of friends and always had someone to hang out with before, after and during work. One gal often comes back into my mind. Her name was Michelle. Not long after she started working there a rumor started going around that she was schizophrenic, she was somewhat odd, but schizophrenic? I asked how do you know? I was told that she told someone this. I was curious, so I asked her. She told me she was and that she was seeing a therapist regularly. She and I quickly became friends. She was funny, quick witted and loyal, all the best qualities a friend could have. One night after closing she seem down and sad. I asked what was up, and all she would say it that she wasn't having an "A" day. I asked what she meant by this and she told me of a technique that her therapist and her were working on. Every night she would look back on her day and give it a grade, "A" thur "F", like a report card. If it was an "A" day, find what made it an "A" day and implement those same things into the next day. If it was not an"A" day, decide what went wrong and think of ways to overcome these problems tomorrow so an "A" day could be achieved.

It's been almost 20 years since that conversation and I often come back to it in my mind. It can be applied to every aspect of living. . . mental illness, parenting, marriage, work and even dieting.

Today, I achieved an "A" day!! Even better than yesterday. I'm going to look for ways to make tomorrow just as successful, even better!

Today was Fabulous!

2008-01-28T22:10:00.000-05:00

Yesterday sucked! I have really been struggling with getting this healthier lifestyle started. I had become very content with my weight and life. I honestly found comfort in being overweight and it is or was really hard for me to get past that. Because I was so content with my weight I never admitted that there was a problem. Told myself quite often that I don't overeat. I had this self image of me that was just slightly plump. I now know that I pasted plump about 18 years ago. I am morbidly overweight. I was sitting in Krystal's yesterday having a small snack. 2 cheese Krystal's, a corn pup, chicken bites, fries and a small diet coke. I sat in the back corner and looked around the very very small lobby of this place and noticed that there was mirrors on all the walls that didn't have windows. I followed the mirrors with my eyes around the walls until I came to an unfamiliar face. It was me. I was gross. I sat and stared at the reflection. What have I done? How could I have allowed myself to get to this point? I wanted to cry but I was in such shook that I couldn't. Something inside of me at that moment snapped. Maybe it was a gift from God, like the day He took away my addiction to shopping. I never want to feel that way again when I look at myself.
I've learned from blogging that I am an emotional eater, I never knew what that meant. I also eat when I'm bored. I need to keep busy. My mom scrapbooks, I used to sew but haven't in months and month. You can usually find me right here on the computer. It does keep me occupied and my mind off of shoving food into my mouth.

I woke up today with a renewed sense of determination. Come he11 or high water I'm going to do this. I'm going to turn my life around. I feel like I'll die if i don't and we all know that's true. If I keep going at this pace I'll be dead in ten years.

I had training all day so today was a breeze. I packed a lunch and lots of healthy snacks. I make my am coffee but today I used Splenda instead of sugar and it was good. I took two 33.8oz bottles of water, which i drank. I used low fat dressing instead of mayo on my sandwich. I am just really proud of my good choices, and today, unlike all the days that lead up to today, was easy. I didn't struggle, I never panicked. I just planned and followed through. My mother and I went for a walk around the building and down the dead end road during our lunch break. Today was fabulous!! I can only pray that tomorrow is half a good.

Would I lie to YOU?

2008-01-26T11:38:00.000-05:00

Today I’m going to lie to you! Thank you very much to Lidian , Hanlie and Life Should Be Stereo Each Day . I want you to expose the lie!

The rules are:
- Link to the person who tagged you. Done.
- Post the rules on your blog. Done.
- Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. Done.
- Tag six people and at the end of your post, link to their blogs. I’ll leave it up to you to decide whether you want to do it or not.
- Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog. If you are going to do it, please leave me a comment.
- The twist here is, one of the statements is a lie! You have to guess which one and let me know in comments.

I used to go to the YMCA with Andi McDowell.
I own a fully stocked Ice Cream Truck.
My mother and I have matching tattoo's.
I've meet Billy Graham.
I'm TERRIFIED of Rats.
When I was a child I lived in a Home for Children.

Okay, lying over! or this meme...Like most people I've seen who've done it, I am going to invite anyone who wants to do it, to please do so! Please leave me a comment telling that you have, because I would love to read them and see what you have to say! The rules are that you have to list six non-important things about yourself, but one of them is a lie.

A Meme - Eight Things

2008-01-25T23:32:00.000-05:00

Eight Things I Am Passionate About
1) my faith in God
2) my husband and marriage
3) my daughter
4) my family and friends
5) my pets Bob our bichon and yellson my cat
6) sewing
7) laundry
8) my work with the disabled

Eight Things I Want to Do Before I Die
1) Be fit and weigh less than 200 lbs!
2) Take a cruise to Bermuda and Alaska
3) Grow my business so big that i don't have to work
4) Get another tattoo
5) Have all my debt paid, including homes and cars
6) Meet my great grand children
7) Go to New York City
8) Be Organized

Eight Things I Say Often
1) “I love you.”
2) “I love you too."
3) “What are you doing?”
4) “Bob needs to go out.”
5) “Did you take Bob out?”
6) “I gotta call my mom”
7) “Honey. . .?”
8) “Put your seat belt on”

Eight Books I’ve Read Recently
1) The Bible
2) Codependent No More
3) Courage to Change
4) The Complete Book of Food Counts
5) The Language of Love
6) Gone with the Wind
7) 15 Minutes Alone with God
8) SLC Handbook

Eight Songs I Could Listen to Over and Over Again
1) Love Remains - Andy Chrisman
2) What If - Jadon Lavik
3) I'm Not Who I Was - Brandon Heath
4) Lady Magic - Ben Taylor
5) Something In The Way She Moves - James Taylor
6) Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie
7) Does Anybody Hear Her - Casting Crowns
8) Nothing Left To Loose - Mat Kearney

Eight Movies I Have Seen Eight Times (or more…)
1) Gone with the Wind
2) Pride and Prejudice (BBC version, my mother has seen it 50+ times)
3) Say Anything
4) In the Cut
5) The Majestic
6) The Red Violin
7) Titanic
8) Sixteen Candles (but not in about 10 years)

Last, but not least…Eight People Who Should Do This Meme Feel free to play along, everyone! Let me know if you do so I can visit your blog and read your answers. :)

Thanks Chubby Chick

My new plan? One step at a time.

2008-01-21T00:53:00.000-05:00

I want to thank everyone that stopped by in reference to my last blog and offered advice and encouragement. I have evaluated this advice and decided that it all is true. I am trying to do too much too soon. I needed to step back and reassess this "lifestyle change" of mine. I have way way too many things going on in my life that are out of control and not succeeding at my diet is just one more thing that i beat myself up about that i felt was also out of control. NOT that eating unhealthy, whatever, whenever was in control, but, I felt so bad because i wanted to do good and wasn't sticking to what at the time was my plan. I do need to make small manageable changes, changes that i can feel in control of and that won't overwhelm an already overwhelmed, frustrated, stressed out and over worked me. The first change is going to be to EXERCISE. Yes, exercise, there i said it. . . . I am going to exercise. I was in such bad shape this time last year. I could barely make it up the 5 steps to our house without being out of breath and my heart racing. I have already become so much more active! We have a two acre piece of property, the other day, Bob (our dog) and I, mini-jogged half the length of it. I wasn't too outta breath and i didn't want to fall out. This is a huge accomplishment for me. So, I plan to exercise at least 20 minutes a day 5 days a week. I will raise this amount as i need to be challenged more and more. The second change i will make is that i will drink more water, I love my sweet tea and it is really hard for me to give it up. I think if I just say, no more sweet tea than i would just drink other high calorie beverages. So I will allow myself my coffee in the morning and a V8 if I'm feeling froggy but the rest of the day i need to stick to water. This all by itself is an ordeal for me, I didn't realize how comforting my sweet tea was to me. I wish i could make the same association with water.

2008-01-17T12:02:00.000-05:00

Well, I've done it again, I fell off the wagon. I have no will power, no self control and no respect for myself. Always looking for the easy way out. I hate that about me. I used to think that being an under achiever was a survival technique from childhood, and it may have been, but somewhere along the way it became a way of life. Even being overweight became comforting to me. No one ever expects too much from the fat girl. Overlooked, easily forgotten and passed up.

2008-01-14T02:48:00.000-05:00

today wasn't so good food wise, i overdid it quite a bit. I was home all day and of course got bored. I was trying to get some paperwork done and get a little organization going on. I had an interview at 5pm which went well i think but honestly i don't even know if i have the time that this person would require. That was the only time i left the house today. It was nice to spend the day at home with my daughter, i sometimes feel like i don't see her enough. She's outta school Friday and we have made plans for skating on Thursday night and her dad and i will take her to the movies Friday. I have a full day tomorrow so i will have to take my bag so i don't overdo it again.
My cat, yellson, has been especially needy today, maybe he knows that i need extra kitty love but i just wish he'd get off my key board while I'm typing. He's an only kitty again, if he gets bored he can always play with the dog.

2008-01-13T02:09:00.000-05:00

I woke up to a bad morning. My Gypsy had passed away. She had been sick for a few days and i feared this would happen. She was only about 9 years old. I took a day off from my dieting, I gave myself a free day. Even though it was "free" and i could run a muck i still think i did pretty good. i think i was wanting some comfort foods, I did get a large sweet tea from McDonald's and had a burger for dinner. She was such a good kitty. She used the toilet, how great is that? She will be missed, my sweet little angel.

All in a days work

2008-01-12T01:53:00.000-05:00

Today was a very busy day for me. I woke up at 8am, by the time i showered, packed a lunch bag and collected my things i didn't leave the house til almost 10. I made breakfast when i got to work and warmed up the coffee i had made at the house. I got it too hot and couldn't drink it, it tasked scorched to me. Lynn, the lady i sit with, and I decided to go to the movies (don't hate me because i get paid to go to the movies). We meet my mom at the movies and i shared some of her popcorn, I told myself i wasn't going to buy popcorn. After that we went to chick fil a, her favorite place. I discovered that they have carrot and raisin salad instead of fries and its pretty good. When we got back to Lynn's i barely got her settled when her sister came home and i left there and went straight to Hanna's (another person i work with). She and I talked for a while and then i helped her clean on her room some. After about an hour her mother came home and we all went for dinner. They wanted to go to Tijuana Flats, i had never been before. I got a kids meal because I'm #1 cheap, #2 kids meals are usually enough and #3 i didn't want to invest allot of money in something i didn't know if i was gonna like. i was really impressed with the quality of skinless, harmone free, white meat chicken in the burrito. By the time i got back the Hanna's home and left for home myself it was after 8pm. I think i did very well for being out all day. i took lunch with me just in case i got to Lynn's and she wasn't feeling up to going out. I had a bag full of snacks, some i ate at the movies in an attempt to stay out of the popcorn bucket. I was worried about not being about to eat sensibly when i was out all day but I'm becoming more and more confident that i can do it.

What's for dinner?

2008-01-10T14:00:00.000-05:00

I stepped on the scale this morning and it said 301.2. Wow!! being that close to under 300 made me not want to eat today. I bumped it around on the floor and stepped back on it. . . . 303.2, wooho, i get to eat today!! I tried a few more times and 303.2 each time. I told you those scales are broken.

I'm gonna cook dinner tonight but can't decide what to have, I love mexican and i can make taco's at home and eat till i wanna barf and still not overdo it on the calories. But then again i kinda want to have stir fry. Again i know how to make it so i can eat and not feel deprived and still come in under calorie goal. So I'm off to the store to buy all the making for both, what ever i don't have tonight will be perfect to tomorrow.

Wednesday Weigh In 303.6

2008-01-09T18:02:00.000-05:00

So far today has been a much better day than yesterday. I've eaten very sensibly. I have found that it doesn't do me any good to pack a bag and not take it with me. I forgot it again today and by 1pm i was starving. i broke down and ate 3 Reese's miniatures. I went to walmart hungry and bought more than i went in for. So on the ride home i had hot wings from the deli, just two. I've started keeping track again in my fitday and went back to see when i started, April . . . 2002. Almost 6 years, i can't believe it. If i had stuck to it then I'd be a different me now and would've only had a high weight of 285.

I'm trying to have a whole different attitude about it this go around. I'm not going to be so tough on myself, I was thinking and I want to enjoy life and not let food control me. I need to find foods that are good for me and still sensible everywhere. Like today, i was stuck out in the world with no lunch bag, i had to make good choices, and i think i did for the most part. My job is kinda hard on a diet too because I'm at someone else's mercy at times. What if they wanted to go to Cici's? Could i eat at Cici's for less than 2000 calories? I don't know and honestly don't want to test myself to find out, but these things are gonna come up. What if i get stuck in a waiting room for 3 hours like yesterday. I was so hungry i wanted to eat a Meat Lovers Deep Dish Pizza Hut pizza all by myself. I didn't though.

Lack of Motivation

2008-01-09T02:39:00.000-05:00

I just can't seem to pull myself together. i really want to do this, but obviously not bad enough or I'd find a way within me to get it going. I need motivation. What do y'all use for motivation? Help.

2008-01-06T17:31:00.000-05:00

I had great hopes for today. It started out good. I made half a bagel for breakfast with water to drink. I than had to leave for work, i had collected a few snack items in a bag i had planned on bringing along. I also had anticipated being able to go out for lunch. I had wanted to go to subway. On my way to work i dropped half my bagel and it got dirty. I don't like dirty food. When i got to work i found that leaving was not an option. I would be stuck her until someone returned and who knows how long that will be, there was a letter saying they were going to St Augustine after church and as always to help myself to anything in the house. There wasn't too much in the house that i could eat. I ended up with Doritos and sausage. The day isn't over yet, i guess i could make a great rebound and maybe even exercise.

My Healthy me Challenge Introduction

2008-01-06T04:07:00.000-05:00

I've always been over weight. My grand mother taught me to appreciate good food. She was a wonderful cook. She showed love by taking care of you and what better way to be taken care of than being fed? I sure was loved! I steady gained an average of 10 pounds a year since i was born. Except when i dieted about 5 years again and lost 40 pounds but i hurt my ankle and quickly undid all the hard work i had done. So, now I'm 34 weigh 306 and miserable. I've only attempted once before to lose weight and was quite successful, i felt great, i could even cross my legs again. (There's me a nonscale goal). I've been trying for about 2 months now to diet again and I just CAN'T. I can't get it going. I've bought all the right foods and done all the research but just can't do it. I'm going to bed now and tomorrow morning is a new day and I WILL DO IT. (not much of an intro, huh?)

What I would like to have happen in my life in 2008

2008-01-06T03:01:00.000-05:00

Lose weight - i need to lose allot of pounds but honestly any would be fabulous.

Exercise - Something i don't do enough of, i know if i would just get on my treadmill and get my heart going i would feel 100x better.

Daily Meditation/Devotion - Time for myself and my thoughts. Time to reflect and ponder.

Attend a meeting - at least once a week, i must get back to that, and my step work.

Charge Nothing - I owe, I owe, off to work i go. I will not charge a single nother thing to a charge card and i will work to payoff the ones I've got maxed out now.

Owe less - This goes along with the last. Husband time - I feel bad because I don't spend quality time with my husband. i, we, need to plan more alone time. I've heard that you have to work at marriage, that's true.

Be organized - Oh God, help me!!!

Clean and Orderly House - If the house was in better order I'd be happy. People say, "I just want to be happy" but most couldn't tell you what does it mean to be happy. I can't. A clean and orderly home.

Wash my face - i don't take care of myself, face included. I'm getting older and the signs of age are creeping up on me and my face. i need to commit to a nightly wash before bed, I should moisturize too.

Brush my teeth - Another area i neglect. Brushing once a day would be an improvement. I'd like to take care of my teeth while i still have them all.

Shower Daily - I don't get it, when i was in high school i showered every morning before the sun shined. Now I struggle to shower every other day. Granted, sweating is my least favorite thing but i live in Florida now. Come on Wendi.

Take a vitamin - I think if i found a good multi vitamin I would feel better, i can't take iron so I've just never bothered but I'm missing out on all the other stuff.

Grow my business - Build my business so that i can just do administrative rather that the actually work also.

People Skills - Lord, Father God, help me with this one too. I need to develop finesse when dealing with stupid people, and learn to keep my mouth shut and my ears open. Stop being sarcastic, that never helps.

Use my time more wisely - I'm horrible with my time. i procrastinate everything. I've got paperwork I should be doing right now. What do today what I can put off til tomorrow . . . or the day after that.

Keep my Paperwork up to date - honestly it makes me want to cry. I love my job but the paperwork makes me want to go back to overdrawn whiners at the call center, I will do my paperwork daily!! (once i get caught up)

Stop swearing its not very lady like and it probably makes Jesus sad.

Stop driving like an Idiot, I'm gonna kill somebody or myself. Killing myself defeats the whole purpose of losing weight and being more healthy.

Wear my seat belt every time i get in a moving vehicle, especially if I'm driving.

Large sweet tea please

2008-01-03T19:51:00.000-05:00

OK, its three full days into '08 and i haven't gotten busy yet. I've heard that you shouldn't start a resolution on the first because you don't stick to it. I guess that's true for me. Honestly I'm miserable! I'm so fat i can't move! I need to stop talking about it and actually DO something about it. My weakness is SWEET TEA! It's evil and I can't get through a day without popping into McDonald's and filling up. That stuff is so sweet you can feel the grit. I'm not sure why its liquid and not a solid, I've seen 'em make it. A 5 pound bag of sugar in a four gallon container. Its so so good. I could go on and on about it. The problem is that I feel like a total failure when i just can't resist it and that makes me eat cheese puffs and pizza. Pizza makes me not want to exercise (not that i do anyway). I've come to the conclusion that I'm just not ready to give up the Tea. i know I should, I really want to, I just can't. Am i an addict? So the plan for tomorrow is to work on the other area's that i can address, stop feeling bad about the tea and control/change what i can.

One of my problems is that i have too many issues that need addressing. I want to fix them all NOW. I get frustrated that I can't just be the person i what to be overnight. i can't do that. i need to take small baby steps, set small manageable goals that I can control and feel like I've achieved something.

A day in my life

2007-12-29T19:15:00.000-05:00

I feel particularly icky right now. i started off the day GREAT, then somewhere along the way it all went to squat. As usual, I can't seem to make it through an entire day without blowing it. After lunch my husband came home and we decided we would drive to Savannah to get our daughter that had gone to spend a few days with our cousin. Traffic was AWFUL. Stop and go the entire way. I HATE TRAFFIC! By the time we got to exit 94 i was starving. We are prearranged to meet at the Hardees so of course they weren't there and i was hungry so i get the 1/3 pound mushroom Swiss burger on sourdough (did i mention i love sourdough bread?) and a big basket of curly fries, and a small diet coke. I don't guess it mattered it was small cuz i got to refill it as much as i wanted to run back and forth across the lobby. 1200 calories, and 65 fat grams. OMG!?! When we left i was out of gas, so we stopped a mega station with a Micky D's. Tara got a McChicken and fries and JD had asked for something sweet so i got him 3 cookies for a buck. When we were walking back through the store to leave he was coming in from pumping gas and told me he was going to the restroom. When he came out he told me about the buy one get one free Hershey bar sign in the bathroom. Tara's favorite candy bar is a Hershey bar so we got two. i also get a 99 cent bag of Doritos's for the ride back cuz munching keeps me awake and i find it better to drive if i'm not sleeping. As we were riding down the interstate JD informs me that he's not a big fan of chocolate chip cookies (I've been married to the man for almost 14 years and this is the first I'm hearing about this). Needless to say, I got a cooking and Tara got a cookie. So now add a chocolate cookie and a bag of Doritos's to that enormous total from earlier and I now feel like i want to barf. When we got home i stepped on my defected scales and it read 311.0 i did have my shoes on though. I'm gonna go pee stripe naked and weigh again and see if it goes up any. Tomorrow will be a better day, RIGHT?

PS. My wonderful husband that love me more than almost anything or anyone else in the world stopped on his way home and brought me one of my most favorite things in the world. Now on top of all the above add a large over sweeten Tea to all that. Yep, on my way to barf.

The Scales

2007-12-28T19:12:00.000-05:00

I bought scales the other day. Big feet area, large lighted display. I got them home and took them out of the box, inserted the batteries and hopped my happy ass up there. 307.4 Great i ran to pee and came straight back to weigh again just knowing that i peed a gallon. 308.2 WTF???!?!? How does that happen???? Kicked the scales to the side and walked away muttering under my breath. Bright and early the next morning, and remembering that "you weigh less in the morning" (I'm still not sure about how that happens) i went to weigh 304.8 Hooray!! Hours later, i hadn't eaten or drank ANYTHING!! 305.5 STUPID SCALES! They must be defective. I should be happy that I'm not the 312 that i was in the summer, and i am.

Just went to make me something for breakfast although its almost noon. Got half a whole grain bagel with cream cheese and coffee. What would have made it better for me? Bagel was good, cream cheese could have been light or just less. Coffee, should've used a low cal sweetener and the fat free creamer (which i usually buy but grabbed the wrong thing on that particular visit to the grocery store).

later. . . For lunch i had a roast beef, cheese, lettuce, tomato and mayo sandwich. The bread was sourdough and i know that's not all that bad as far as calories and fat grams, the roast beef was lean, the cheese was the Kraft Deli Selects 2% so it only had 60cal/4fg. lettuce and tomato . . . yummy! I can't live without the mayo. I know i need to learn how to but i only used a small amount. No, Really i did. I drank water with my lunch. So so far today, I'm feeling pretty good about myself, as far as eating.

how to become a new me?

2007-12-27T19:04:00.000-05:00

i read this article and found it enlightening. I knew most all of it already but then again there is so much data and information in my brain it overwhelms me and i feel bogged down like i'm about to drown in a sea of usful info, trying to tread through it but just not . . .

A new year, a new youNutritionist Elisa Zied offers 7 diet changes to help you feel better (and healthier) in 2008

If you’re like most of us, you’ve been indulging in too many high-fat, high-calorie treats for the last few months and are suffering from a holiday diet hangover. But the New Year is the perfect time to put your less-than perfect eating habits behind you. Fortunately, eating well doesn’t have to equal denial and deprivation. Try these 7 strategies to help boost your nutrient intake, feel more energized and enjoy a healthier body weight in 2008 and beyond.

Bulk up to slim down
What’s in it for you: While protein isn’t a problem for many Americans, most do fall short of the 21 to 38 grams of fiber recommended each day. Pairing foods rich in fiber and protein fills you up and curbs your appetite. The protein/fiber dynamic duo also regulates blood sugar for a steady stream of energy throughout the day. Fiber also reduces blood cholesterol levels and promotes gastrointestinal regularity.
How to do it: Choose at least one protein-rich food that’s low in saturated fat and cholesterol and at least two high-fiber foods at every meal. Healthy protein picks: fat-free milk or yogurt, fish, skinless chicken or turkey breast, beans, nuts and seeds. Healthy fiber choices include whole grain bread, cereal or pasta, brown or wild rice, fresh fruit and vegetables. To boost fiber intake, reach for a whole wheat English muffin instead of a plain bagel, a whole wheat flour tortilla instead of white bread or a roll, and lentil or black bean soup instead of chicken noodle or creamy, cheesy soups, recommends Tanya Zuckerbrot, registered dietitian and author of “The F Factor Diet.”

Go green
What’s in it for you: Dark green leafy vegetables are loaded with the cancer-fighting antioxidant beta-carotene, as well as the carotenoids lutein and zeaxanthin, which can protect the eyes and can fight some cancers, heart disease and stroke. At a mere 20 to 30 calories per half cup, leafy veggies also provide a healthy dose of fiber, vitamin A, vitamin C, folate, and potassium.
How to do it: Aim for at least 3 cups of dark green vegetables each week. Fill a salad bowl with shredded spinach, romaine, arugula or other dark green leaves. Use lettuce leaves to dress up sandwiches. Steam or lightly sauté broccoli, spinach, kale, collard greens, mustard greens or turnip greens. (Add grated parmesan and seasonings for extra flavor.) Use fresh or frozen broccoli or spinach in pasta or stir-fry dishes, or to top potatoes or whole grain pizza crusts.

Boost your beans
What’s in it for you: “If I were trapped on an island and had to choose one survival food, I’d choose beans,” says David Grotto, a registered dietitian and author of “101 Foods That Can Save Your Life.” Grotto loves beans because they are rich in both protein and carbohydrates, and contain loads of fiber to promote regularity, control cholesterol and reduce the risk of certain cancers. “Beans also boast folate, potassium and magnesium; and dark beans, such as black beans, contain anthocyanins, antioxidants that fight inflammation and improve brain function,” he adds.
How to do it: Grotto likes to fill ice cube trays with a puree made with beans and chicken or vegetable broth. He freezes them and then drops them into pasta sauces, soups and casseroles. Chickpeas can be used to bake falafel or to bulk up a green salad. Black beans or lentils can be topped with shredded low-fat cheese to make quesadillas or fajitas.

Eat fish
What’s in it for you: Fish offers high-quality protein, vitamins and minerals. It’s also low in saturated fat and often provides fewer calories per ounce than beef or poultry. Fish contains potent omega-3 fatty acids, known to reduce the risk of prostate cancer, heart disease and possibly even Alzheimer’s disease. It also helps protect the eyes from macular degeneration and wards off diabetes.
How to do it: Replace three beef or poultry meals each week with a 4-ounce portion of fish. For particularly potent omega-3s opt for herring, mackerel, salmon, sardines, trout or tuna. Grill, steam, broil or bake fish (without breading) and use canned varieties to top salads or sandwiches.

Pump up potassium
What’s in it for you: Potassium works with sodium to maintain water balance in the body. It also dampens the effects of a high-sodium diet on blood pressure, reduces the risk of kidney stones and may stave off bone loss later in life. Because potassium is found in so many whole foods, including leafy green vegetables, fruits from vines and root vegetables, consuming more potassium-rich foods can fill you up and improve your overall nutrient intake.
How to do it: Aim for 4 1/2 cups of fruits and vegetables each day and potassium-rich options from all the food groups. Best bets: prunes, prune juice, peaches, tomato sauce, sweet potatoes, soybeans, lima beans, peanuts, pistachios, and fish such as halibut, tuna and cod. Milk, yogurt, and cereal are high in the nutrient as well.

Stay on portion patrol
What’s in it for you: “Switching the focus from what not to eat to how much to eat is the best strategy for long-term weight management, especially for those of us who passively over-consume calories,” says James O. Hill, Ph.D, author of “The Step Diet.” Watching portion sizes, but still eating foods you enjoy can minimize the feeling of deprivation that can lead to overeating and guilt.
How to do it: Lisa Young, Ph.D, author of “The Portion Teller,” recommends keeping a food record as a first step to curb portions. Once you see what and how much you really eat and drink, you can try to increase portions of healthful foods and decrease portions of fatty or sugary foods, Young says.Put less on your plate or use smaller plates, recommends Hill. Eat slowly, savoring every bite and waiting at least five minutes after you have finished before you opt for more. “You’ll be amazed that most of the time you’ll be satisfied and won’t want or need more” says Hill.

Think marathon, not sprint
What’s in it for you: If you try to change too many diet habits at once, you won’t give your body and mind enough time to adjust and it’ll be more difficult to make the changes stick. Don’t worry about every little bite, or feel guilty when you eat too much or have a so-called “forbidden” food. It’ll take all the fun out of eating and that’s a recipe for failure.
How to do it: Cut yourself some slack. Set one small, realistic goal at a time and pace yourself. This week, simply eat more green vegetables. Next week, eat more beans. Over time, each small change will become a lifelong habit. Plan out your meals and snacks. Don’t waste calories on things you don’t love. Make every calorie count, enjoy each bite and remember to fit in regular exercise -- the other half of the healthy eating and living equation.

New me?

2007-12-26T02:10:00.000-05:00

OK, here it is just days before the new year and i really want to improve myself . . mind, body and soul. I've spent countless hours on the Internet trying to determine what i need to accomplish a full self make over. The problem i have run into is that it just seems to be so vast and complicating i find myself wanting to quite before i start. There are so so so many things that need to be done and so so many ways i can improve i just don't know where to start. I'm running out of time. I've found so many different ideas i thought if i jotted some of them down, ya know, blogged about it i might feel more in control of it and perhaps actually apply some of it. I pretty much want to re haul my life. From top to bottom, i feel like I've have failed and need to turn that around. Where to begin? I guess i should start with the things i want to fix. 1, I'm obesselly overweight. I weighed 312 last time i get on a scale and that was before Thanksgiving so heaven help me now, but i will make an effort to weigh in the next week and get back to you on the exact amount. This number one is a LARGE problem with me. I feel like it i can get this under control so many other things would fall into place for me. 2, I'm the most unorganized person on the planet. My office is an utter wreak. I can't find anything, the papers on my desk are piled so high i can't see the bottom three inches of the monitor and i lose everything I'm put in charge of. 3, I procrastinate everything!!! i've been gonna start this blog for a month now. I've been gonna diet for years now. i've been gonna clean my house and organize my crap for ever now. i hate that i can't get my shit together and act like a grown up.4, I don't take care of my person. I don't brush my teeth like i should, or shower like i should, I don't exersice like I should, or all that stuff. I feel so so tired all the time. All the time I just want to stop what i'm doing and take a nap, of course until bedtime than i can't ge to sleep.I've got lots of work to do. I want to use this blog as a tool or avenue to keep track of what and how i'm doing. I also hope to find help and strenght along the way.