Fat March

I found myself in downtown Orlando on Fat Tuesday trying to find not only a place to eat but a place to park. On the city overview on my GPS there must be at least 8 tiny beer mugs per block. Put the two together and I had resided myself to going hungry, except i had my best beloved with me so i had to feed her. I finally found a parking garage via an alley, I'm not sure how i wondered down. First half hour is FREE!!! We found a taco chain that the name escapes me at the moment. They had a Tuesday special (not in honor of Fat Tuesday, just cuz it was Tuesday) that was pretty good.

Best Beloved is the youngest among all her friends, so there has been talk of her 21st birthday. When they can finally ALL go out drinking. She has decided to go to Orlando for a pub crawl, she said they wouldn't have far to crawl. I told her if it came to fruition that i would reserve two 2 bedroom suites for them all at the "vacation club" we have in Orlando (which is where we where staying, we went to see WICKED). For now I have 5 and a half years before i have to worry about that.

Anyway, the whole point of this blog, FAT MARCH.

I was not real sure of why or what Fat Tuesday is, so i looked it up. Mardi Gras IS Fat Tuesday. I always thought that Fat Tuesday was the end of Mardi Gras. That Mardi Gras was this celebration that stretched on for a week or more, but i discovered that it is only one day. It is the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday, aka the first day of Lent. I'm not Catholic or whatever you are when you observe Lent but I know that you give up something for 40 day until Easter. So back in the day the people would gorge themselves the day before the beginning of the fasting that began on Ash Wednesday.

Now with all that said, my family and I went on vacation March 17th - March 25th. I have been saying for, well, ever, that I'm gonna go on a diet, live style change, whatever. I figured that i could make this my FAT MARCH. Gorge and glutton myself all vacation long and not worry or feel guilty at all because I'm gonna get my shit together by April 1st. I was so excited at my Fat March invention!! Sunday March 20th we ALL get a bug. If you're not barfing, your trotting back & forth to the pot. For some unfortunate soles it was both. Needless to say i just had my first full meal today. Now that I'm back home, I'm not in the mood to pig out until the 1st. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel like exercising either. I guess I'm just saying that I'm feeling ready to make a change.

This time I'm really gonna do it.

For Real. . . .

Thanksgiving Update

I got through Thanksgiving. I didn't have the turn out i was expecting, i think there was about 18 of us. Some family was sick, others went to spouse's family and some had to work. It turned out great. My mom was so pleased she decided i can host it again next year. (great!!) The house looked great, the food was wonderful and plenty. It was somewhat of a nightmare only because i had never done it for so many before, but now i know what I'm in for and i have confidence that it is doable.

What was I thinkinhg??!!

I have always hated Thanksgiving. My most favorite holiday of the year is New Years Day! Why you ask, because the holidays and all the madness and fuss that comes with it is over and all the stores are open. So I'm not real sure why i have found myself hosting Thanksgiving Day (from here on out known as Tday) at my house.

I'm not a good housekeeper, I'm the most unorganized person i know and i have some serious hoarding tendencies. All those things aside, I and my family find ourselves "Wawa" less. Not to say that wawa is dead or anything, she's just recently had major surgery and recovery is very slow going. Wawa is my mom, she is 57 and hasn't been in the best of health for the last 30 years. I remember as a child her having arthritis and being in pain allot, she always had trouble getting around, although that never stopped her from participating in life. She just did it and took pain pills and other medications at the end of the day. She says you must consider quality of life verses quantity of life. Now she finds herself recovering from a surgery that is suppose to ensure both quality and quantity in the long run, but for now, we wait.

And while we wait, Tday is fast approaching and i have stepped forward to host Tday at my house. Sure, I have aunts that might be better equipped to prepare this feast we have all grown accustomed to, but my house is the biggest and can accommodate all the friends and family that call Tday with us their tradition.

I have searched the Internet over to find the complete guide to preparing Thanksgiving at my home but all those site want to prepare me for is the food. There is so so so so so so so much more that needs to be done. I mean for real!!! I have broken blinds in the entry way, that detail needs to be on a list somewhere. I was in the check out at Wal~Mart and spotted Everyday with Rachel Ray. The November issues cover boasted of a Complete Thanksgiving Guide, again, NOT. There is so much to do and with my ADHA problem, I just don't know that i can pull this off. If anyone has advice or direction, please help. I hope blogging about it can keep me focused moving forward.

I'm 15 no, wait, 16 days into this new year, no, wait decade of mine and really feel like i haven't gotten anywhere. I have been wanting to figure out my new year resolutions, which i guess i should've done in December, but haven't.

I just knew this was gonna be my year, and it still might be, but things are so so so so busy.

We, my husband and I, are gonna buy a home in Jacksonville. I'm over Callahan, its small, backwards, redneck and just too far from Jacksonville to drive everyday. I was so hoping to wait til Tara was driving to move to Jax so she could get herself to school, but i just can't!! I'm gonna see if i can find a teacher that lives in jax to take her in the mornings and possibly bring her home. Wish me luck on that.

We have found a BIG beautiful 2400 square foot brick home. Two living rooms, two dinning rooms, office, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths one with a whirlpool tub, a huge Florida room with a doggie door, a kitchen that words cannot begin to describe and a walk-in closet in the master bed room the size of my daughters current bedroom at our old house. We move in Feb 1. I will wait til i get my house settled to work on anything else.

I'm struggling with a tough decision, the age old question, "Should I stay or should I go?" I hate coming home. I get angry and grumpy when i go home. Why? Could it be cuz my house is a wreak? My daughter is sassy? The laundry is piling up? The trash everywhere because my husband won't take it out? Or is it just the husband? I like my husband, or at least i keep telling myself that i do. I don't love him. I feel like if i leave him, i would be abandoning a child, that is helpless and needs me. I recently realized that I'm not a kid anymore, don't care what others think and need to realize that my happiness is the only one that's gonna get me through this life of mine. Going around trying to make others happy only sucks the life out of you, and of course, I'm over that. I've been listening to a mediation CD and it talks about the present, love, happiness, angry, all that, that existed in the past is just a memory and all that is planned for the future is a fantasy. Only love and happiness can exist in the present. It was kinda hard to wrap my head around but i do get it. Do you?

Happy New Year!!``

Everyone who knows me, knows that beyond any doubt that I HATE CHRISTMAS!! My favorite day of the year is New Years Day. I love this day, Christmas is over, all the stores are open, I stayed up late the night before and don't feel guilty about it, I get to eat greens and black eyed peas and most of all I get to spend it with my family, no strings attached. No pressures of gifts like at Christmas, no big meal planned to stress about, just the hope and promise of a new beginning. Happy New Year!!

Im a big fat failure

I haven't done ANYTHING, i'm a miserable excuse of a blob of a being. I need to, no i must find the strength within to get off my oversized rumpis and do something, even if it's wrong!

Ever been there?

How did you get out?

. . . . the meds aren't working.

I'd been looking at my treadmill for days, a week even. You'd think if i spent all that money getting it fixed i would be jumping at every oppurtunity to use it. NOT. It took me more than a week but yesterday, i did it. I only got in one lap before my back started hurting again but i ended up with three laps. It felt good. Good that i got it done and i fell like i've begun. Today i did it again.

My Life is Out of Control

I have to do something, my life is out of control. Only what do i do? If i knew and more importantly had the will power and self motivation to do it i wouldn't be in this place of dread and self loathing. I'm back up to 308 only 12 pounds from my highest point ever. I hate it. Week before last my husband brought my treadmill in from out of storage. Of course it didn't work. I waited another week for the repair guy to come and charge me almost $400 to fix it. Now here it is a week after that and i haven't gone near it. I just knew if it were here i would use it. How much easier could it be? i want to use it, I know i would feel better afterward. Why haven't i done it? I'm tired of feeling like my life is on hold, cuz it's not, it's flying by me and I'm missing it. I'm tired of feeling like I'm substandard, I'm not even sure what I'm substandard to. I'm just tired of feeling like it. I'm mostly tired of my husband. He won't go away. I guess he thinks I'm not serious about I feel like this marriage is not working and done trying. Why does he think he can make me love him?

I'm going to NC on Aug 18 and will turn 36 on Aug 20. I'd like to think that I'm going straighten up and "get busy", I'm gonna try. . .

My Life in a Nutshell (recent catchup)

I meet a gal, thought we could be good friends. (it has been a long time since I've had a "girl" friend). Hung out all the time. She was great. She started caring-on with my husband behind my back. Planing and plotting to be together. Husband crossed a line. I yelled and hollered, spit, slobbered and cried. Husband said he loves me and only wants to be with me. Fine after many weeks of soul searching i decided if he would abide by a few simple rules then we would try it again.

The Rules you may ask?
1. What the movie Fireproof. (i also wanted him to take the intitative to get the book and work the days)
2. Develope a relationship with God.
3. DECLUTTER (my house is a wreak, much like my life)
4. Make a list of what it means to be a good husband and what a good marriage consist of.
5. Make a list of what it is to be a good dad to Tara. (very specific)

He did really good for a while. Made me feel like the center of the universe. Now not so much. He is now going to church, rented the movie, bought the book but didn't journal like it said and stopped after 17 days. House is still a wreak and i have no list's. In the mean time, said ex-bestfriend was/is my employee. I know, I know, not the smartest thing to be BFF's with an employee. I forgave and tried to get past the past. I did very well. Now said ex-bestfriend is going and telling another employee something i said behind her back, she also told something else which she shouldn't of. Now I'm very mad at her and no longer want to work with her. I'd love nothing more than to fire her, I'm so so so tempted. So this person, that i have known for 14 years, that she was telling things to takes me aside today and ask me about it. We talked and got things straighted out. I'm just really ticked that ex-BFF has the nerve to go saying things. She not very mature. I want to go to her house and make her life miserable. I won't cuz i don't like drama and this would just make matters worse. At the same time, I DON'T LIKE DRAMA and this gal is just piling it up high.

Now, with all that said. I have come to realize that while i love my husband, I really don't like him. He is demanding and overbearing. He is moody, grumpy and ill all the time. For the most part, no one like him. I can't say anything about work or he gets pissy (I'm the boss, he's the employee).

I don't know what to do.

Vacation is coming

We leave for Christmas vacation in 10 days. I'm so excited. I think mostly to get away from the day to day hectic life that i never thought i would be living. I'm a simple, make-do, drama-free kinda gal. I moved to Florida from NC to get away from the drama that my in laws caused, and now i am looking forward to returning only because my once boring life is extremely CRAZY.

I always feel overwhelmed and like i never get anything accomplished. That's one reason why I'm so absent around here and on my spark page. I was spending hours "unwinding" in the evening reading and updating my blogs and spark page and i knew i wasn't getting anything don like that. Just because I'm home doesn't mean the work is over, i often have many many hours of paperwork, phone calls and other things to do. I'm amazed that i was able to lose any weight at all.


Callgone take me away!!!

Turkey Day

HAPPY THANKSGIVING ALL!!

Well, I've pretty much taken some time off. I meet my Christmas goal of 299 and just kinda fizzled out. My family and I leave for NC and my in-laws in exactly 3 weeks and two day. So I have given myself a new challenge. To loose 10 pounds in the time between the day after Thanksgiving and December 20. I have to get back on track!!!

Meme

The rules? Answer the following questions in one word and then pass it on to others.

Where is your cell phone? kitchen
Where is your significant other? couch
Your hair color? chestnut
Your mother? cooking
Your father? gone
Your favorite thing? laptop
Your dream last night? odd
Your dream/goal? living
The room you’re in? cold
Your hobby? sewing
Your fear? death
Where do you want to be in 6 years? Jacksonville
Where were you last night? work
What you’re not? drama
One of your wish-list items? cleanliness
Where you grew up? bartow
Last thing you did? nails
What are you wearing? jammies
Your TV? news
Your pet? best
Your computer? Toshiba
Your mood? mellow
Missing someone? baby
Your car? dream
Something you’re not wearing? thong
Favorite store? Wal-Mart
Your summer? WORK
Love someone? family
Your favorite color? PINK!!!!
When is the last time you laughed? movies
Last time you cried? awhile

been awhile

Sorry i haven't been around lately but i've been super busy with work. My little company is just growing so fast it makes my head spin. I sometimes feel like i'm in over my head and very very overwhelmed. I thank God for my mom. She's super and seems like she can handle anything. We are hiring someone to do our billing so that will free up some days for both mom and i. i'm looking forward to that. I've haven't been doing so well with my "diet", so i haven't lost anymore but i haven't gained either. Not real sure how that's happened?!?! I hope to get back into the swing of things first of next week. I'd make it sooner but notes are due Monday morning and i HATE paperwork (bet ya never heard me say that before)! But without it I don't get paid. While i truely do love what i do, i can't do it for free.

The new kitten somehow crawled into the heat register last night and from that made it into the crawl-space under the house(the 10 inches or so that's pure insulation). We had to make a hole in the dinning room floor get her out. That's just something else to stress over. I really wanted to kill her but she's just so darn cute and the doggies love to play with her. She's funner than "pink elephant" and it squeaks.

I hope everyone is doing a great job and not stressing. Keep up all the great work.

I'm a loser!

I was or am down to 298 this morning so to reward myself i went and had my nails done. They are so cute, i usually do my own nails but my daughter went for a hair cut so i thought i deserved it. She did a much better job than i could ever do, and they are so so so super shinny.

S-U-G-A-R ! ! !

Aunt Flo is visiting so i decided that i wouldn't count calories, i would just sit back and relax as i can get very cranky and snappy during this time. I have been very very bad. Sweet tea two days in a row and tonight i bought a pumpkin pie at Sam's Club and a big tub of Cool Whip Lite. This was too too too good. As i was finishing up my big 'ole piece of pie i started to get light headed and the room began to spin like i was high. i got high off the sugar. WOW. I had heard about this but didn't actually believe it could happen. It was kinda scary. Now i am going to challenge myself to cut out sugar. My Tupperware lady can go one for hours about how bad sugar is and that it will cause cancer and kill you and so on. I think i will listen to her next time he goes off an a tangent.

CCCC Weekly check in (5 DAYS LATE)

I've found a new toy!!

The new toy is video blogging, and it's the coolest thing ever!

My Daughter Playing Flute!!!

I'm still here

Hello fellow bloggers and those whom for some strange reason read my blog. My last post was 10 days ago, since then i have had a gain. On Monday, the official weigh in day I was at 311. Wow, I have had a few bad days but i didn't think they were that bad! I have struggled to stay on track and "readjust" my life without my beloved sweet tea. Lately I have found myself making coffee which the way i like it is full of calories when if i would've just had a reasonable amount of sweet tea i would have come out better.

I discovered SparkPeople.com and it is really amazing. I so glad i found it. I have been using Fitday for years and Sparkpeople just blows FitDay away! I have spent allot of my free time reading the articles, blogs, posts.

My husband started to diet with me. He's been super supportive! We go walk together every night although I can't keep up with him. I'm working on it though. Sometimes we take our daughter, she's getting alittle chunky. Five times around the park track is a mile. I can do it in about 25 minutes. Well i could be i still have to stop for a few minutes to get my back to stop hurting. I bought a resistance band today, I'm going to watch some of the video's on Spark people to learn the best ways to use it.

Have you seen this video? I can't believe we all allow the media to dictate what beauty is.