Saturday, July 11, 2009

My Life is Out of Control

I have to do something, my life is out of control. Only what do i do? If i knew and more importantly had the will power and self motivation to do it i wouldn't be in this place of dread and self loathing. I'm back up to 308 only 12 pounds from my highest point ever. I hate it. Week before last my husband brought my treadmill in from out of storage. Of course it didn't work. I waited another week for the repair guy to come and charge me almost $400 to fix it. Now here it is a week after that and i haven't gone near it. I just knew if it were here i would use it. How much easier could it be? i want to use it, I know i would feel better afterward. Why haven't i done it? I'm tired of feeling like my life is on hold, cuz it's not, it's flying by me and I'm missing it. I'm tired of feeling like I'm substandard, I'm not even sure what I'm substandard to. I'm just tired of feeling like it. I'm mostly tired of my husband. He won't go away. I guess he thinks I'm not serious about I feel like this marriage is not working and done trying. Why does he think he can make me love him?

I'm going to NC on Aug 18 and will turn 36 on Aug 20. I'd like to think that I'm going straighten up and "get busy", I'm gonna try. . .

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

1st time visitor, but didn't want to read without commenting :-(

Just a quick thought: have you read the Five Love Languages? Seems you and hubby def have different languages and may need to understand each other better to reconnect.

You - and only you - can get out from under this weight that's bearing you down. You're strong and honest and ready to change.

Best of luck! xo

Linda J (Sydney Australia)

tisha said...

I bought the book Five Love Languages about five years ago when I was in a different relationship. It's quite good actually and a great recommendation from anonymous above. Take the time on your trip to reassess you, your life, your goals and what you want. You deserve this time for yourself. Hang in there Wendi.