Saturday, January 16, 2010

I'm 15 no, wait, 16 days into this new year, no, wait decade of mine and really feel like i haven't gotten anywhere. I have been wanting to figure out my new year resolutions, which i guess i should've done in December, but haven't.

I just knew this was gonna be my year, and it still might be, but things are so so so so busy.

We, my husband and I, are gonna buy a home in Jacksonville. I'm over Callahan, its small, backwards, redneck and just too far from Jacksonville to drive everyday. I was so hoping to wait til Tara was driving to move to Jax so she could get herself to school, but i just can't!! I'm gonna see if i can find a teacher that lives in jax to take her in the mornings and possibly bring her home. Wish me luck on that.

We have found a BIG beautiful 2400 square foot brick home. Two living rooms, two dinning rooms, office, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths one with a whirlpool tub, a huge Florida room with a doggie door, a kitchen that words cannot begin to describe and a walk-in closet in the master bed room the size of my daughters current bedroom at our old house. We move in Feb 1. I will wait til i get my house settled to work on anything else.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

I'm struggling with a tough decision, the age old question, "Should I stay or should I go?" I hate coming home. I get angry and grumpy when i go home. Why? Could it be cuz my house is a wreak? My daughter is sassy? The laundry is piling up? The trash everywhere because my husband won't take it out? Or is it just the husband? I like my husband, or at least i keep telling myself that i do. I don't love him. I feel like if i leave him, i would be abandoning a child, that is helpless and needs me. I recently realized that I'm not a kid anymore, don't care what others think and need to realize that my happiness is the only one that's gonna get me through this life of mine. Going around trying to make others happy only sucks the life out of you, and of course, I'm over that. I've been listening to a mediation CD and it talks about the present, love, happiness, angry, all that, that existed in the past is just a memory and all that is planned for the future is a fantasy. Only love and happiness can exist in the present. It was kinda hard to wrap my head around but i do get it. Do you?

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Happy New Year!!``

Everyone who knows me, knows that beyond any doubt that I HATE CHRISTMAS!! My favorite day of the year is New Years Day. I love this day, Christmas is over, all the stores are open, I stayed up late the night before and don't feel guilty about it, I get to eat greens and black eyed peas and most of all I get to spend it with my family, no strings attached. No pressures of gifts like at Christmas, no big meal planned to stress about, just the hope and promise of a new beginning. Happy New Year!!