Yesterday sucked! I have really been struggling with getting this healthier lifestyle started. I had become very content with my weight and life. I honestly found comfort in being overweight and it is or was really hard for me to get past that. Because I was so content with my weight I never admitted that there was a problem. Told myself quite often that I don't overeat. I had this self image of me that was just slightly plump. I now know that I pasted plump about 18 years ago. I am morbidly overweight. I was sitting in Krystal's yesterday having a small snack. 2 cheese Krystal's, a corn pup, chicken bites, fries and a small diet coke. I sat in the back corner and looked around the very very small lobby of this place and noticed that there was mirrors on all the walls that didn't have windows. I followed the mirrors with my eyes around the walls until I came to an unfamiliar face. It was me. I was gross. I sat and stared at the reflection. What have I done? How could I have allowed myself to get to this point? I wanted to cry but I was in such shook that I couldn't. Something inside of me at that moment snapped. Maybe it was a gift from God, like the day He took away my addiction to shopping. I never want to feel that way again when I look at myself.
I've learned from blogging that I am an emotional eater, I never knew what that meant. I also eat when I'm bored. I need to keep busy. My mom scrapbooks, I used to sew but haven't in months and month. You can usually find me right here on the computer. It does keep me occupied and my mind off of shoving food into my mouth.
I woke up today with a renewed sense of determination. Come he11 or high water I'm going to do this. I'm going to turn my life around. I feel like I'll die if i don't and we all know that's true. If I keep going at this pace I'll be dead in ten years.
I had training all day so today was a breeze. I packed a lunch and lots of healthy snacks. I make my am coffee but today I used Splenda instead of sugar and it was good. I took two 33.8oz bottles of water, which i drank. I used low fat dressing instead of mayo on my sandwich. I am just really proud of my good choices, and today, unlike all the days that lead up to today, was easy. I didn't struggle, I never panicked. I just planned and followed through. My mother and I went for a walk around the building and down the dead end road during our lunch break. Today was fabulous!! I can only pray that tomorrow is half a good.