Thursday, January 17, 2008

Well, I've done it again, I fell off the wagon. I have no will power, no self control and no respect for myself. Always looking for the easy way out. I hate that about me. I used to think that being an under achiever was a survival technique from childhood, and it may have been, but somewhere along the way it became a way of life. Even being overweight became comforting to me. No one ever expects too much from the fat girl. Overlooked, easily forgotten and passed up.


Hanlie said...

Whoa! Just hang on a second. What you tell yourself becomes your reality. So that little litany is not going to get you anywhere. Besides, it's not true. So you fell off the wagon! So? Why not just pick yourself up, make more realistic plans, and introduce them slowly, one by one? That's what I'm doing and it's working! If you don't do that now, you will be fatter on 1 January 2009 than you are now. You will not be the same weight. You will not be thinner and healthier.

Lead by example. Don't overlook yourself. Don't expect too little from yourself, but at the same time, don't set yourself up for failure by setting unrealistic goals.

You've wasted a big part of your life thinking those thoughts. Those thoughts are what made you gain weight in the first place. You know that there is more to life than what you have right now. It will not come to you, you will have to work for it. Start by treating yourself with respect.

(BTW, I believe that willpower is a male myth. Women don't have it, and they don't need it. We have different talents.)

Hurry up, girl! You've got a wagon to catch.

Felicia said...

I vote you upgrade your wagon =0) Maybe time for a shiny new car instead? Cuz it seems that the wagon you are trying to stay in is not fitting you. Make a list of what you want to accomplish and then work on each step one at a time. You can only fall and fail if you quit. You think you are worth losing this weight for correct? (Goign to hope you say yes here) then do it for you! Its not a race is a life style change. Every minute you are given a new chance so embrace the fact you didnt do as well as you wanted and try to do just a bit better. Every step forward is is success not how far you went with each step!

Chin up. Face forward. Off you go!


Krissie said...

We all fall off. Sometimes it's as little as a few chocolate chips and sometimes it's a weekend of fast food. BUT you cannot be successful - you cannot be the you that you deserve to be - if you don't get back on.

I can almost promise that you didn't fall any farther off than I have in the past. And I'm still trucking along. I've been blessed and had mostly good days recently, but that doesn't mean that I'm immune to the occassional blunder.

Would you put up with a friend who told you that you have no will power and no self control? NO. So don't tolerate that from yourself. You deserve better.

We really do become the person that we tell ourselves that we are.(Here comes the therapist in me...) I counted 5 negative things about you in your post. I would really like to see 5 positive things about you in your next post. Things you would like to have a friend say to you.

Let us toot your horn with you!

Keep your chin up, girl. We've all been there. You just gotta push through it. Don't give up!

Krissie said...

By the way, the acoustic version of "Nothing Left to Lose" is beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

Chubby Chick said...

Hey, girl... don't beat yourself up! We ALL fall off the wagon from time to time. And you know why? Because NONE of us are perfect. And we never will be. My motto is... "focus on perseverance... not perfection."

You can do this. And I believe that you will! Just take it one day at a time and do the best that you can each day. Don't expect perfection. Just keep on keeping on. Never quit! And the end result will be a healthier and fitter you! :)

ExpressingNotStuffing said...

I agree with Hanlie - what you tell yourself does become reality!
Just focus on ONE thing today to do well - drink all your water, go for a few minute walk, etc. just start SMALL and build on that!
Don't be so hard on yourself. I know it's hard to see it when you feel so mad at falling off the wagon but you have not failed - you just hit a little bump on the road. We all do it!
Just climb back into your wagon and keep going! Don't sit on the dusty, gravel path and let one of your other fellow Healthy You challenge people's wagon run you over!
Big hugs and I'm cheering you on!

Lidian said...

Aw, Wendi - sounds like you are having such a tough time. And we've all had that kind of day, you can count on that...Will power is so hard sometimes. I did not have any for years in my 30s, plus there are plenty of days and moments when I don't have much and am in the chocolate chips (etc, etc). But tomorrow can be a little better, one fall off the wagon - or a hundred - doesn't mean that you always have a fresh start ahead of you, potentially.

You sound like such a nice person - please don't be so hard on yourself!

Lidian said...

I meant that you do have the fresh start ahead of you no matter what - sorry. Typos are happening here, end of the day typos!

Heather said...

aww dont say that! that is not true at all. its ok to fall off the wagon, really! I dont thikn there is one person who reads your blog that hasnt done it themselves. why else would be still be going through this struggle?! true, willpower has a lot to do with making changes, but so does really wanting the change and setting yourself up to achieve it. if you think you will fail and have food around you and set yourself up to fail, you will. but if you think that you will succeed and surround yourself with motivators, you will.

your life doesnt just happen with you as a do have a say in what happens to you and YOU make the decisions.

Curly said...

What I hate is when I fall off the wagon and it runs over me. Ouch! Hop back on. Did you get my email?

Lauren said...

hey, you!, with the whip! Yeah you! Stop beating up on yourself. You wouldn't take that crap if someone else was saying it about you, so stop saying it about yourself. Just for today, just make one positive healthy choice, then tomorrow, make another, and keep adding them up, it's not all ro nothing.

Grumpy Chair said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Grumpy Chair said...

Wendy, you have been grieving for your beloved cat this week, so please be kind to yourself.

It's tough making lifestyle changes (eating healthier and less, more exercise) so start with the one healthy change you can do with ease. Do that for a couple of weeks, then implement other healthy changes.

Don't think of the changes as a diet. Diet is a wee bit negative (said the lady with "diet" in her blog name) instead, think of it as healthy changes.

I hope you are feeling better today.

Crazy Aunt Purl wrote a great post about "not dieting" last year. I will find the link for you.

Sorry - the delete was me, way to many typos.